


Come Back

by LiamLordofTrash



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: AU, Adam doesn't die, Angst, Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Hallucinations, Hurt, John lies a lot, Lies, M/M, protege!Gordon, that's litterally every fanfic tho so, victim bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-07-15 21:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiamLordofTrash/pseuds/LiamLordofTrash
Summary: When left alone Adam can only think about Lawrence. Then he hears Lawrence screaming, and begins to believe that he has been killed. Left with nothing but the ghost of Lawrence and desperation to escape, he sets his sights on revenge.When Lawrence is taken by Kramer and nursed back to health, he is worried about his daughter. When Kramer tells him his family has been killed, he is devastated, left with only one person left to fight for: Adam. He complies with Kramer's wishes in order to go back for Adam. It isn't like he has a choice. He promised.Another AU where Adam doesn't die, but since he's the best Saw character is it really Saw fanfiction if his death isn't ignored? Going to be a long boy, and a bit slow to get to the chainshipping, but hopefully emotionally rewarding. Trying to keep in line with things that happened with the main exception being Amanda smothering Adam- replacing it with John realizing that the key went down the drain and determining it made the game unfair, so he gives Adam another shot.





	1. Chapter 1

A broken scream left Adam’s mouth as he yanked his leg one more time, so hard he thought that his leg would break off. He bit his lips until they bleed and laid against the cold floor, the blood from Zepp covering his chest. He curled up in pain, pressing a hand to his wound. He writhed there.

“Hurry, Lawrence please,” he begged, tears streaming down his face. Lawrence was coming back. He would come back. He was going to save him. He was going to save them both. Adam trusted him. He had to. “Fuck you…” He hissed at the man who had trapped him in there. He was certain that he couldn’t hear him, but it was being filmed, wasn’t it? He pushed up onto his elbows, his eyes starting to adjust to the dark. He had good night vision. It had helped him with his work. He sighed and sat back, his arm feeling around on the ground for a picture. He found a picture, and figured it was Lawrence. He held onto it. It was alright. He was going to save them. The uncomfortable silence was broken by the most uncomfortable noise he had ever heard- Lawrence screaming. He was screaming so painfully, so loudly, like he was being murdered. Then Adam realized it. That man! That man  _ was  _ murdering him! “No!” Adam screamed. “Leave him alone! Don’t hurt him!” 

“Adam!” he heard Lawrence scream for just a moment before returning to the aching screech. 

“Lawrence! Lawrence! God! Please! Please let him go please don’t hurt him!” Adam yanked away and moved towards the sound, crawling over the corpse on the ground and sticking his arm out towards Lawrence. He couldn’t reach him. He knew that, logically, but his brain forced him to reach for him anyways. “Larry,” he  muttered. Adam didn’t think any sound could be worse than Lawrence’s screaming, but he quickly found a much worse one. Lawrence stopped screaming. Silence. Then a loud thump. Then more nothing. He hyper focused, listening for anything. Any word, any noise, anything. “Lawrence! Lawrence!  _ Larry!  _ No!” Adam went to wordless screaming and clawing at the floor in an attempt to get to Lawrence. He fell to the ground and wept. It was too late. Lawrence was dead. That bastard killed Lawrence after everything he made him do. Adam collapsed and clutched his side and wept. “Why!?” he snapped. He crumpled over and gasped, Zepp’s blood sticking to his face. 

He had killed Zepp. He had  _ killed  _ a man. He had genuinely killed a person. He killed him. Adam screamed again. He had to escape. He turned to his foot and gritted his teeth. He had to do it. He had to. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could save Lawrence. Maybe he wasn’t dead just yet. He could save him. He had to. He grabbed the saw, but remembered it was broken. He couldn’t even cut his own foot off. He yelled and slammed his hands against the ground. He turned slightly and saw the toilet lid he had used to kill Zepp with. He had  _ killed  _ a man. He killed him. He gritted his teeth and nearly screamed again. He grabbed the lid and bit his lip and started to slam it own on his foot. He gave in to the pain and opened his mouth and just screamed. His foot flattened out and he yanked it free, skin peeling off his heel. He lifted his foot and tried to keep it from Zepp’s blood and the poison or blood or whatever it was that came from the man who trapped them. He crawled forwards, desperately. He got to the door but it wouldn’t open, no matter how he tried. He started to weep again. “Damn you!” 

 

He wasn’t in pain, exactly. Despite that Lawrence could see everything happening in front of his eyes, it all felt like the memory of a dream of pain. It was raw, and emotional, but his brain had almost seemed to refuse to let him know, to let him process it. He wasn’t awake often, but couldn’t tell when he was sleeping. He couldn’t tell how long he had slept. All he knew was that he had. Kramer loomed over him, eying the wound on his leg. He had taken to cleaning it, as for some ungodly reason he had decided to keep Lawrence alive. He didn’t dare to ask why. 

“Diana,” he said weakly. “Is Diana alive?” He focused on his daughter, focused on her to survive. To shoot Adam. To drag himself through the hall. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but Alison was no where on his mind. So long as Diana was alright he could live. She just had to be. 

“You failed your game, Doctor Gordon,” said Kramer, calm as ever. “I wouldn’t suggest asking questions you can’t handle the answers to.” 

“Is Diana alive?” he persisted. “Alison?” He paused. “Adam?” 

“You failed your test. You should know they can’t all be.”   _ Why am I alive then?  _ He didn’t have the guts to say it, but it echoed in his mind. He had to stay alive. Play Kramer’s game for the sake of somebody, who ever was alive. “Zepp’s job was to kill your wife and daughter. And Zepp made it here alive.”

“Adam?”

“He’s still in the room, he will be dispatched shortly.” 

“It’s not fair!” he snapped, sitting up. His back cramped with the strain and he fell back, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists as the pain coursed through him. 

“What’s not fair?” Kramer hissed.

“The game… For Adam,” he said. He had to cling to something- someone- some ray of hope. For Alison and Diana, he didn’t know. But the way Kramer had phrased that made Lawrence believe that Adam was still alive, for now. He had to cling to that. 

“He had a key in the bathtub with him, attached to a glowing light. He could have escaped and killed you with the saws and won. He could have just left you. He had options. He wasn’t smart enough to take them.”

“No..” Lawrence said, being drowned in sleep again. “There wasn’t a key.. It was gone when he woke.. I saw the light then it was gone..” 

  
  


Adam crawled across the floor, starting to make a path. He pressed the picture of Lawrence to his chest, cradling it. He was losing his mind, he was sure of it. He had no idea how long he had been there. He had to make a plan, but he wasn’t smart. He wasn’t smart and he couldn’t plan and he couldn’t escape and Lawrence would die because he couldn’t do it. 

“I’m sorry, Lawrence.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Lawrence would say. If he was there. Adam wasn’t sure how long he had been hearing his voice, but it had started at some point. It was comforting in the dark, cold, blood filled room. “You have to take care of yourself so you can help me. Stop moving, and take off your shirt. Tie it around your foot to keep that wound clean.” Lawrence had a point. Adam did what he said and wrapped his foot. 

“Gah, dammit, dammit, it hurts,” he whined. 

“I know Adam,” Lawrence said. “Just look at me.” He looked at the foot. Was the foot talking to him? He hadn’t thought it was. 

“Should I saw off my foot too?” he asked.

“No, you’ve already gotten out of the chain. That would just cause blood loss.”

“You had to go because of blood loss.”

“I wouldn’t leave you otherwise.”

“Then that man attacked you… Or killed you? Are you dead Lawrence?”

“Look at me, Adam.” Adam looked to where he knew the foot was, seeing the vague outline. He shuffled towards it. “I don’t look alive, do I?”

“I don’t want you to be dead,” Adam said softly, touching the foot. 

“Sometimes bad things happen, Adam. But you have to live.”

“Why?” Adam asked him. “Why can’t I just lay here and die with you.”

“You have to end this. No more games. No one else can suffer.”

“I don’t know how to.”

“You can do it, Adam. Just survive for as long as you can. There’s a drip in the wall. You can probably drink that.” He slithered to the place where the pipes were leaking. The water smelled clean. 

“Alright,” he sighed.

“And when you’ve done all you can do, and you die, I’ll come back for you.”

“Really?”

“Of course, I promised.” 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should have a chapter each day, trying to be consistent, woop woop

Whenever he woke up Kramer was there. He wanted to just be alone for once, just have one time he woke without the maniac’s gaze. But there he was regardless. He now had a gag in his mouth, Kramer’s way of keeping him from arguing. He was right though. It hadn’t been fair. It was wrong and Kramer was wrong even by his own rules. Kramer looked down on him.

“I have an update for you, Dr. Gordon.” Lawrence looked to him, tiredness radiating from him. “Upon further inspection of the tapes I have of the incident, you are correct. Adam’s side of the game was made unfair when the key went down the drain. Because of this, Adam will be allowed to survive.” Lawrence was so relieved he could have wept. Kramer stopped for a moment, and started to clean his wound. He bit down on the gag in his mouth. He tried to scream and writhed against the restraints he had recently noticed where there. He hadn’t realized how restrained he was since he hadn’t been able to sit up at all. The pain yanked him forwards and he screamed against the gag. “I know it hurts. Lay back.” Lawrence forced himself to obey out of fear of losing the one thing Kramer had allowed him- Adam. He shook and closed his eyes and sweated. The pain was incredible, but his will was stronger. He knew that after what he had to do to his foot. He forced himself down and waited for Kramer to finish what he was doing. Lawrence relaxed and laid back, sweat still dripping down his face. “I do have one condition, however.” Lawrence nearly passed out just from that. Kramer removed the gag. 

“Why?” begged Lawrence. He didn’t even know what else to say. He just sighed and gritted his teeth and nearly cried. 

“You must work with me, by helping me make some traps as a medical advisor. In exchange, you and Adam can live.” 

“For.. For how long?”

“How long?”

“Do we get to live for?” 

“As long as I live and you work for me, I promise you and Adam will live.” 

“Anything then. I’ll do anything.” 

“I will continue to feed Adam until you can walk again, then you can go get him or leave him in the room if you wish.” 

“I wanna get him. As soon as I can.”

“Then obey me and let me help you heal. Once you are healed you can go and get him. Until then I will keep him alive.”

“Bullet wound.. He needs medical.. Med.. He needs me..” Lawrence begged, “Let me.. Help him.” 

“I promise you, he will survive.” Lawrence closed his eyes and accepted sleep. 

  
  


Adam wasn’t sure where the food was coming from, because before he saw it he was knocked out with gas. Again and again he was put under, waking up with slop and water in the room. He had adjusted to the awful light, but the awful smell was killing him. He could smell the rotting corpse and Lawrence rotting. He moved quietly to Lawrence with his food and water. He had temptations to share it with him, but he knew Lawrence wouldn’t like that. He ate it and listened to Lawrence.

“Adam, you’ve been doing good at taking care of yourself, but you need to escape.”

“I know, Lawrence,” Adam said. “But I can’t get out of here. I want to escape, I want to but I can’t. And I can’t save you.” 

“Please, Adam. I believe in you.” 

“I know, but Lawrence… I don’t even have anything to go back to… I have nothing and I don’t know what to do.”

“Live. For me. Because I can’t.” 

“I wish you could do this.”

“I wish I could take care of your wound.”

“It’s been taken care of at some point,” said Adam, pulling his shirt up to show him.

“I would have done better,” Lawrence told him.

“I know you would have.” He had no idea how good he was at surgery but Lawrence could do better. Lawrence would have done it right. Adam didn’t know what was wrong, but he knew it wasn’t right. He finished the tasteless food and put a hand on Lawrence, holding him. Well, what was left of him in the living world. Lawrence’s foot was cold and his skin was molting off, but he was still comforting. “I love you, Lawrence,” he said. Lawrence didn’t respond. “You can’t tell me you’re happy with Alison.. I know you love Diana but.. She’s already had to deal with your death.” 

“You don’t even know if she’s alive.”

“Diana? Alison?”

“Both of them. Me. You don’t know anything.”

“You’ve told me you’re dead Lawrence,” sighed Adam. 

“The man said that if I didn’t kill you he would kill my family… I shot you but it was too late. I lost my game.” 

“No I lost. He told me I lost. So…”

“But I’m dead.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why he did that or who he is or anything… I just… I can’t.. I can’t save you I can’t do anything… But I just…”

“It’ll be alright, Adam.”

“Please, please promise me you’ll come back for me.”

“Of course,” said Lawrence. “I promised you. I.. I will come back for you.” Adam sighed and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and running his filthy hands over his face. Everything felt filthy in the room, and he hated that even his mouth felt filthy. He gritted his teeth and started to plan. He had to figure out how to get out. 

 

Lawrence had learned to accept what John said, but only on a surface level. He agreed out loud, and let John believe he agreed, and then kept every doubt inside. He laid back quietly as Kramer sat the new prosthetic leg next to him. He knew, as a doctor, that he was pushing his recovery much faster than he should have, and that he would likely cripple himself further by doing it, but he had to. He had to go as quickly as he could in order to get to Adam. He didn’t know how far where he was located was from the room he and Adam had been in, all he knew was that it was his job to get to Adam so that he could save him. He had to get there as quickly as possible. 

“Can I ask… How long it has been since I escaped the room? And how long were we in it?”

“Why?”

“I want to know.. I just… For Adam.”

“You want to know if it’s possible he is alive?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve taken care of his necessities, and his wound. However, he still has several weapons in the room with him. If he values life as he should, he will stay alive until you come for him. If not, he will finish himself.”  There was a distinct pause. John liked to talk, and wouldn’t leave unanswered questions.

“However, there were two days between the end of your game and the beginning of Adam’s  _ fair  _ game. Adam had no food or water for those two days. The bullet was removed from him on the third day, and he received no food or water then. The fourth day he received water. The first and second days I noticed he tried to get water from a leak in the walls. I was unsure that was clean water, but he seems to be fine.”

“He’s still alive?” asked Lawrence.

“Yes,” John confirmed. “The cameras still work. I believe he will survive his game. Mentally, though, he is deteriorating.” 

“So long as he’s alive,” Lawrence said. 

“I will give you a cane. To be fair,” said John, firmly attaching the leg. It hurt, but it really didn’t affect him anymore. He gritted his teeth, and prepared. He closed his eyes. When the pain faded he looked down at his new leg. He sighed and sat up on the bed. He leaned forwards and then onto his feet. The pain was nearly crippling, but he moved forwards and started to walk, nearly crumpling under his weight. He made it about six steps before he fell down to his knees. Kramer helped him up and handed him the cane. He walked further, forcing himself another fourteen to fifteen steps. He had made it out the door of the small room, and looked around the tunnels. He looked around, and put as much weight on his good leg and cane as he could, using his empty hand to grab a pipe. He looked around the room and saw a bloodstain on the floor, which he realized was  _ his  _ bloodstain. He had made it far for a man dragging himself nearly dead. He had likely not made it that far for a man who could somewhat walk. He forced himself forwards, shaky and uneven. He could barely walk, but he had to. It was just a short walk. He could have done it ten times over before his trap. He bit down on his lip and took another step. He lifted his head and looked at the trail. He forced himself further. He took twenty-something agonizing steps as he got to the bloodstain. How had he gotten so far? He looked at the bloodstain.  “You can stop.”

“I can’t,” said Lawrence. “I really can’t.” He forced himself further, all the way to the corner of the tunnel. He had a tiny bit further, but his bad knee was going, and he wasn’t sure he could. It was so close. He counted the steps. Seven. Just seven more steps. For Adam. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Adam was curled up next to the door, waiting. He knew it took him about ten seconds to pass out from the gas, so he had ten seconds to crawl out of the room and escape. He heard a noise, a pained gasp and a heavy step. Then another, and hands pressed against the door. He heard a sigh muffled by gritted teeth. He recognized the gasp, the voice. 

“Lawrence?” he asked. The door was shuffled open, and he heard Lawrence panting there. He forced the door more open and walked into the room, grunting as he did. “Lawrence?” he repeated. Adam realized quickly that it meant he had failed to escape. Lawrence came back for him in the end, but that meant he had died. He had died and Lawrence came back for him. He crawled to Lawrence’s foot.

“It’s alright, I’m here,” Lawrence said, struggling to kneel by him. “I promised, didn’t I?” Adam lifted himself up as far as he could and held onto Lawrence, unable to do anything else. Adam nodded softly and put his head on Lawrence’s chest. He closed his eyes, content just to lay there. “Come on Adam, we’ve got to go.” 

“Okay,” said Adam, trying to get up, unable to manage getting to his feet. He couldn’t get up. He sighed and curled closer to Lawrence and Lawrence stood up with great struggle. Adam and Lawrence helped each other up, Adam on one foot and letting his broken foot go back and he dragged as Lawrence put as much weight on his cane as possible. They moved slowly towards the door, each of them putting their weight on each other, both using their good feet to move together. “Why does it still hurt, Lawrence?”

“It hasn’t healed yet,” Lawrence told him.

“I’m dead,” Adam said. “I shouldn’t have to heal.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I’m dead,” Adam said. “You died, you came and got me, and we’re going. We shouldn’t have to hurt. We should be at peace.. We’re dead.” 

“We’re not dead, Adam,” said Lawrence.

“We’re?”

“We’re not dead,” promised Lawrence, holding him closer.

“I heard you scream when-” then as they left the room he saw the man who had trapped them- the man who killed Lawrence. “Lawrence! Him! He killed you! He trapped us here!” yelled Adam, writhing away from the man. 

“No, no, I didn’t die, Adam! Adam! Adam, you’ll take us both down!” snapped Lawrence, still trying to hold onto him. Adam held closer to Lawrence, wrapping his arms around his waist, nearly taking them both to the floor. 

“Stay away!” hissed Adam, clinging to Lawrence. “Stay away from us! Stay away from him!” 

“Stop! He helped me, Adam, he’s helping us. His name is John Kramer, he was my cancer patient- he wants to help us.” 

“He tried to kill us! He’s trying to kill us!” snapped Adam. Lawrence started to shush him and put a hand over his mouth, gritting his teeth as he was forced to stand on his bad leg. Adam looked down at his leg, realizing that there shouldn’t be a foot there. He had a prosthetic leg. 

“Yes, see that? He gave me this leg. He gave you your food and water. Took care of your wound,” said Lawrence. “He’ll take care of us. We can talk later, I promise we’ll talk.” Adam didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t trust that man, John, who hadn’t even said anything. He just watched them both, his expresion never changing. Adam curled closer to Lawrence. 

“Alright,” said Adam softly. “What.. Now?”

“Back to your room,” Kramer said softly. Lawrence went to obey him. Adam didn’t want to, he wanted to struggle away but Lawrence was determined to bring him with him. Adam gave in and went with him, moving with Lawrence. They struggled, but they could put all their weight on each of their good feet and Lawrence’s cane. Kramer, as if to forcefully gain his trust, walked up and started helping Adam and Lawrence. Adam accepted it, sticking closer to Lawrence, holding him tightly. They moved slowly together, following a trail of blood back to a small room, where Kramer pushed them in and shut the door behind them. Adam turned and tried to open it and found that it was locked. 

“He locked us in.” 

“He does that, please sit down Adam, let me look at your foot.”

“Can you.. Explain how… Are you alive? Am I?”  Lawrence sat next to him, and held him close. Lawrence took one of his hands and pressed it to Lawrence’s chest. He could hear Lawrence’s chest gently beating. Adam breathed out and rested gently against Lawrence’s side. He was alive. “Why did..?”

“When was it that you heard what you thought was him killing me?”

“You had just left, to go and get help, and he got up and walked out and I heard you scream in pain.. Then you stopped screaming.” Lawrence paused and gently took off his prosthetic leg, putting it aside. He showed Adam his stump. 

“I moved quite a ways. Remember where the blood trail ended?” asked Lawrence.

“Yeah.”

“That was where I found a hot pipe and cauterized the wound, hoping that I wouldn’t bleed out. It hurt horribly and I screamed. I thought I would faint or die then… Kramer found me, poured some water on my face, and then carried me here. He nursed me back to health here. He saved my life, and he was going to leave you there, but I told him that something had happened that made the game unfair for you. He gave you another chance and another game, to survive until I could come and get you.” 

“I hate him and his games,” hissed Adam.

“Shush, Adam,” Lawrence said softly. “Don’t say such things so loudly… We owe him our lives, in a twisted way.” 

“I do, I hate him.”

“Adam,” Lawrence said quietly, “Please. Just do what he says so we can live. I just want to live. I just want us to live.” Lawrence slowly put his leg back on, hoping down onto the floor, and lifting up Adam’s foot. “That is nasty.”

“What are we gonna do Lawrence?”

“Hm?”

“With our lives…”

“Live? I don’t know. I have to help him with these killings to keep us alive, I’ve had to.. I’ve had to do awful things to people Adam, but so long as we don’t tell him we don’t agree he leaves us be,” whispered Lawrence. Lawrence settled back onto the bed. He took his leg back off and put it down on a small table next to the bed. He fell over to the bed and laid down. “The lights are about to go out.” Adam could lay on the floor or something, but decided not to. He laid over next to Lawrence, putting his head against Lawrence’s head just to listen to his heartbeat, to help himself believe they were really alive. 

  
  


Lawrence laid there, wrapping an arm around gently around Adam to keep him from falling off the bed. Just having some kind of bed put Adam to sleep quickly. Lawrence closed his eyes, listening to Adam’s heart beat. It was soft, and calming. He could feel his heartbeat slow as he fell asleep. Lawrence’s started to mimic his. He curled closer to Adam, desperate for any kind of human contact. Blood was crusted onto every bit of Adam’s clothes. Lawrence wasn’t sure when but Kramer had changed his clothes. It was disturbing to think about when he had done that or how he had gotten clothes that fit him so well. It was a button up tan shirt and shorts. He wondered if Adam was going to wake up with different clothes someday. He had gotten used to the schedule, to the sudden changes. He was just so glad that Adam was there. He curled closer to Adam. He began to drift asleep, locking his arm around Adam. 

When he woke, Adam was gone. He sat up suddenly and put on his leg, then started to hop up and walk around, looking desperately for Adam.

“Adam!? Adam!?” cried Lawrence. 

 

Adam woke up in a shower, nearly naked. He looked around the room, finding that he was locked in. He looked outside of the shower and found that there were clothes outside the shower and a towel. He decided to take advantage of it and shower. He moved outside of the shower and turned it on, darting back from it to make sure it wasn’t some kind of trap. He quickly found that it was, indeed, water. He touched it quickly and darted back again. He watched his hand for a while, insuring his skin didn’t melt off. When he was finally trusted the water he took off his underwear and darted in, trying to quickly shower. He did it as quickly as he could and then got out, trying to get all the blood and sweat and muck off himself. He darted out and grabbed the towel. He dried himself as quickly as possible and then started to put on the clothes. He started to wonder how the clothes fit him so well. He hadn’t even noticed the foot brace until he tried to put on the pants. Everything hurt in his foot, but it already had. He was lucky that those were shorts, and that they fit over his foot brace. He hopped around the bathroom for a while, looking back and forth at everything. He couldn’t escape the bathroom, and he started to panic.

“Why is it always a goddamn bathroom!?” snarled Adam, kicking the wall with his good foot. Eventually Kramer let him out.

“Back to your room,” said Kramer. Adam considered disobeying, but Lawrence was probably still in the room. He followed the blood path in the dim hall to the room.

“Adam!?” yelled Lawrence.

“Lawrence? I’m here!” he yelled back. Kramer let him in and Adam rushed to Lawrence’s side. They were left there again. He and Lawrence sat back on the bed, snuggled close to each other. At that moment Adam realized he might have a bigger problem than his foot. He might really, genuinely, love Lawrence Gordon. A married straight man. He decided to just focus on it as platonic. He loved Lawrence like a brother. Who he would kiss on the mouth a little bit. Maybe not a brother then. Best friend. A best friend he would kiss some. That was alright. Girls kissed their friends all the time. It was just that. Besides, what did it matter? It wasn’t like he’d ever live to have a fight with Lawrence’s wife over him. They were both going to die there, most likely. 

  
  


They talked for a long time, not much else to do but talk. It was so nice to have another voice than his own and John’s to hear. Lawrence loved the sound of Adam’s voice. It was soothing to hear him again, not screaming, not in pain. Just talking. He held Adam close, still wanting to hear Adam’s heart beat. He wasn’t sure how, but their conversation was sent towards Lawrence’s family. He felt a pit  in his heart, a pain in his chest so strong he couldn’t tell it from cardiac arrest.

“Dead.”

“Huh?”

“They’re dead,” he said, tears starting to well in his eyes. “My family is dead. They’re gone. My wife is dead, my daughter is dead. They’re dead.”

“Oh, Christ, Larry I’m so sorry,” Adam began.

“You didn’t kill them,” Lawrence said, voice breaking.

“I’m sorry  _ for  _ you,” Adam specified, holding tight to him.

“I didn’t even know what to do… I didn’t even want to survive after John told me that until he told me that you were still alive… I had to live. To get back to you. I promised.” Adam laid against his chest, looking up at him. 

“Thank you,” Adam said. “You saved me.”

“I promised… You didn’t deserve to be in a trap anyways.. I don’t think,” he said softly. Adam gently wiped a tear from his cheek. 

“You didn’t either… You didn’t even cheat, really,” said Adam.

“I could never,” he said. “I had a hard enough time being with Alison.. I just never… Oh, God, Alison.. If I had just stayed home this wouldn’t have happened! My daughter would be alive, my little baby girl,” he cried, crumpling in on himself. Adam wrapped his arms around Lawrence’s sides, pulling him close. 

“Shh, Lawrence, shhh,” Adam said quietly. “It’s not your fault.”

“It is-” Adam hushed him again.

“It’s not.” Adam held him closer and they held each other tightly. Lawrence started to crumple and Adam laid back and pulled him onto his chest. Lawrence clutched Adam as if for dear life. He laid his head down and Adam started to pet his hair, and put another hand on his back, rubbing a circle on it. He continued to cry and started to drift off, getting numb. His chest hurt and his back hurt. He started to feel a stabbing pain in the foot he didn’t have. Everything hurt and he was tired. So so tired.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but big things are coming soon

Adam laid there and gently rubbed Lawrence’s hair. He pressed a gentle kiss into Lawrence’s forehead, hoping not to wake him. Lawrence didn’t wake up. He was deathly quiet, listening to Lawrence’s heart beat. It was slow and rhythmic and calming.  He liked the warmth and weight of Lawrence on top of him, he was like a living weighted blanket. He wanted to kiss Lawrence’s forehead again, but the first time had been risky. He didn’t know if Lawrence would be appreciative of that. He hoped so. Of course if Lawrence didn’t appreciate it he would stop, but he didn’t want any tension between him and Lawrence. Well any negative tension. He wrapped his arms closer around Lawrence. 

 

Quickly, it became routine. With little exception they would spend all day in the room, which fortunately had a small attached bathroom. Right after the second time they were fed, Lawrence was drug out of the room and forced to help with some project. He didn’t like to talk about the projects, and Adam didn’t ask him. Sometimes Lawrence would break down and talk about them and then he usually went back to his wife and child. For several days he would talk about both of them, but as it went on he stopped talking about Alison and only mentioned Diana. He talked about Diana a lot, but it got more to the point where he spoke about her as when she was alive, like she was still alive. Adam would lie against his side and listen to him talk about her. It made his day to see Lawrence so happy like that. They would eat the last meal of the day together and then lay back. 

“You think he’ll ever just let us go?” asked Adam.

“I’m not sure. I know he has two other proteges though, one whom I’ve never met, and Amanda. She was that woman I told you about- the one who the police interviewed.” 

“Huh… So maybe.”

“He wants to keep tabs on us for now, but someday I think he will,” Lawrence said. 

“That’ll be nice.”

“Any idea how long we’ve been here?” asked Lawrence.

“I dunno. It’s been like…. Six days since we came in here.”

“You were left without food for two days, and you had surgery the third for your wound. So that’s…  At least nine days.”

“Then I was there a couple days after I was left alone…”

“You were there for a time I can’t tell, and then five more days when I was trying to recover and walk…”

“So… five plus nine…”

“We’ve been here a day over a week at least,” Lawrence determined. “Could be longer.” Lawrence decided to carve the lowest number of days that they thought it had been. “We’ll keep count the days from now on.” 

They had grown incredibly comfortable with one another. There was no point in time where Adam and Lawrence didn’t like to be close to each other. Lawrence had to feel it too- Adam knew he did. It was there, between them. A comfortable tension, but a tension nonetheless. Lawrence had to feel it too. It was obvious. They laid on their bed- it was  _ their bed  _ even- and then Lawrence held him close, wrapping his arms around Adam as he laid on his chest. They were literally snuggling. 

“I’m glad to be here with you,” Adam said softly, looking up at Lawrence. Lawrence looked down and smiled at him, and they looked at each other. Lawrence held his hand.

“You have no idea how much you mean to me,” Lawrence said. Adam locked eyes with him. He knew Lawrence felt him. He knew it. Adam rolled over, his chest pressed to Lawrence’s. He moved gradually over, draping himself over Lawrence. He put a hand on Lawrence’s cheek. Lawrence still smiled, never looking away from Adam’s eyes. He felt it. He had to. Adam leaned closer to him, and quickly kissed Lawrence, moving away suddenly. He was still afraid, deep down that he was straight and didn’t love him and that he had just ruined everything. Lawrence was oddly calm. He just sat there. He didn’t move his hand that rested on Adam’s back. He just laid there. The room felt silent.

“Are you… are we… Is that? Is that okay?” asked Adam, starting to panic. Lawrence leaned in and kissed his cheek. Adam smiled and laid his head back on Lawrence’s chest. They held each other close, and he moved further up, sitting up on Lawrence’s chest. Once or twice more they kissed each other before just settling back in to cuddling. Lawrence locked eyes with him and again and almost started to cry. “Lawrence? Larry? Are you alright?” Adam asked.

“This is.. This is the first time I’ve thought of Alison.. Not with the.. I just… I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Just tell me, I can handle it,” said Adam.

“I don’t think I ever really liked kissing her,” Lawrence said. “That.. just then.. That was better than any kiss I’ve had my whole damn life and I don’t..”

“No need to flatter me,” Adam smirked. His joke didn’t help Lawrence any. He wrapped his arms around Lawrence. “It’s alright.”

“If I could have just loved her like I was supposed to she’d still be alive and Diana would still be alive. We wouldn’t be here,” he whimpered. “I did this to all of us.” He kissed Lawrence’s cheek and rubbed his hair until he had relaxed again. 

“You didn’t do this, Lawrence,” Adam said softly. “If Kramer wasn’t insane none of this would have happened.”

“My marriage with Alison would never have worked anyways… We just stayed together for Diana…. If I could-”

“But you can’t now, Larry, we have to deal with what we can do now.” Lawrence held close to him and Adam gripped him as if his life depended on it. Sometimes it felt like it did. 

 

It became normal, a part of their routine. Cuddling and holding hands and kissing. Lawrence was nearly really that interested in Adam, or he hadn’t thought he was. Adam was a great kisser he supposed, but he hadn’t realized that Adam was interested in him like that until it was beyond obvious. But he had accepted that Adam felt something for him. He didn’t want to think Adam loved him. He hoped Adam didn’t- that he had some other infatuation with him. He didn’t want to hurt Adam. He just went with the romantic gestures. What did it matter? Kramer would probably kill them both off soon to avoid having witnesses. Of course he would find some way to saw he wasn’t a killer or force them to do it themselves, he might as well make Adam happy for now. It wasn’t like it would matter. He would never see his family. He would never leave that room. None of it mattered anymore. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

He had no idea how long they had been there, but they had over four hundred tallies in the wall. Lawrence never thought that they would live that long. They had given up eventually, figuring that it was just going to be their lives. Some days John wouldn’t even have him do anything as a medical consultant. Those days were the most interesting. He could best describe his relationship with Adam as shifting from strangers to friends with benefits. Unfortunately, it was not one of those days.  John came with him a problem, always.

“Alright, I need to know about poisons that will slowly kill- for about two hours- and that I can give small antidotes.”

“So.. The trap is that they must find antidotes in order to survive over a couple hours with a poison that will kill them if they can’t?”

“Yes. With additional traps throughout. I need to know about the survivability of a pit full of syringes.”

“High, expect for potential diseases in it. In addition I’m not certain on the poison thing… I would need to research that,” Lawrence said. 

“Alright, I can figure out the poison thing, but it is possible, right?”

“Yes,” Lawrence said. John showed him more of his plans and Lawrence told him which bits were possible and which weren’t, and how long it would take for someone to die in each. He talked about it in a calloused way, forcing himself not to think about it. He couldn’t think about it. He could never let himself focus on it. He headed back to Adam, after wards. He had gotten better at walking on his single foot with his cane. He sat next to Adam and broke down again. He told Adam about all of the traps- how he had sown a key under a man’s eye, and how John had informed him that very man was dead. He had him under his fingertips, hand the chance to save his life like he was supposed to- he was a  _ doctor _ \- but no. He just let that man die. He was an accomplice. No better than Amanda or Logan. Adam curled around him, holding him close. He was starting to break down. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it anymore. But he had to. He had to do what John said to keep them alive. He didn’t know if he  _ loved  _ Adam, but he cared for him deeply and wouldn’t let him die. Not for this. He clutched Adam desperately. They would stay alive. They had to.

 

Adam held Lawrence close, kissing his forehead and rubbing his back. Everything stressed Lawrence anymore, probably because of all the violence. He was struggling to process it, to keep going with it. Adam squeezed him and tried to soothe him. He knew what to say. They’d been there a year in the least. They’d been together about a year too. 

They stayed on the bed for the rest of day, until they heard an odd noise. It was screaming. They both sat up and automatically Lawrence put himself between Adam and the door. Adam grabbed at the first thing he saw, a metal plate. He held it close and prepared to attack when anything came through the door. There was shuffling for the next hour, then nothing. They waited, laying on the bed, both staying awake and holding each other. They didn’t hear anything for several hours and Lawrence drifted off, the break down from earlier having drained him. Adam held him close and clenched the plate, prepared to protect him.  Adam could run, but Lawrence couldn’t. Adam’s foot had healed. Lawrence’s was still in the room. He didn’t care that Lawrence was much bigger than him, he would protect him. Then they heard someone screaming again and the door that had slammed on Adam slammed again. Adam jumped and the noise woke Lawrence too. They clutched to each other just to hear that both their hearts were still beating. 

“Alright,” Lawrence began, “I’m gonna wait an hour then I’m going to see what that was.”

“What? No, Lawrence- you have to be careful.”

“I have to see what it is, I have to know,” Lawrence hissed. 

“Then.. Together.”

“Huh?”

“We go together. I go with you and I’ll protect you and if we have to run the hell out of here we can do it together,” said Adam. 

The waiting was the most torturous thing but eventually the time came. Lawrence held his hand, and they got up together. They went outside, Lawrence pushing forwards. Adam moved to his side and helped support some of his weight. They walked to the door, trying to be quiet as they possibly could. They got to the door and opened it. A man on the floor screeched and ran towards them, but was chained to the wall.

“Shut up!” hissed Lawrence. The man looked at them for a while longer.

“Holy shit… You’re Lawrence Gordon.. And Adam Stanheight… You two.. You’ve been missing for years.. You were here,” he said. “I’m Erik Matthews- I’m a detective- please get help… Unless you’re… You’re working for him too aren’t you?”

“We’ve been forced to,” Adam said, “But we don’t want to. We wanna escape..”

“Get help, please,” Erik begged. “Please- for my son.” 

“We will,” promised Adam. “I don’t wanna do this to you, but I have to or we’ll be found,” Adam said softly. 

“There’s a car outside, steal it,” Erik said. “Kramer is in it.” Adam shut the door quietly. 

“We have to go while we have a chance,” said Adam. Lawrence was stuck.

“We can’t defy him- Adam he’ll kill us,” said Lawrence. 

“We can-”

“No! I won’t let us both die for this, not after all I’ve done to keep us alive,” Lawrence said. 

“Larry we have to,” he insisted. “Please, Larry, I won’t leave you but I can’t stay here,” Adam said. “I’m going insane, I’m gonna die,” he insisted. Lawrence was still stuck. Adam pulled him forcefully, and he nearly fell to his knees before continuing. They ran upstairs through the house and pushed open the floorboard. They walked through the house, which was littered with corpses. They finally found what they believed to be the front door. 

“We’re gonna escape…” Lawrence said softly. Adam could feel his heart beating in his hand. The hand that wasn’t holding Adam’s was on his cane, and he was resting on it heavily. “Oh God… he’s there… He’s in the car… We have to do this to.. Oh god.. Oh.. Oh,” Lawrence was about to faint. They locked eyes. Lawrence took a deep breath, took his hand from Adam’s and put it on Adam’s shoulder. They kissed, holding onto each other for a long time. 

“I love you, Lawrence,” Adam said softly. 

“I love you too, Adam.” They ran out into the night, feeling the cold air on their skin for the first time in what had according to Erik been years. Adam pulled Lawrence to the car. Kramer was already gone from it. They checked the van meticulously to make certain he wasn’t there. They got in the car. The keys were still in. “Now.. What?” Lawrence asked. Adam was in the driver’s seat, because he had both feet. He looked ahead.

“Police station.” 

 

Twelve hours. And each second of them felt like torture. He had been twelve hours without seeing Lawrence, because of the constant interviewing. He sat on the corner of the room, drinking coffee. Then came a cop.She walked in and sat down, handing Adam water. 

“My name is Carry. Can I get you anything?” she asked. 

“Lawrence.”

“Huh?”

“I have to see him,” Adam said. “Please.”

“He has a little more to go,” said Carry. 

“I’ve got to, I’m losing my mind-”

“Give me a minute I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, you’re a saint.” They were both given a break from interrogation to rest. They wrapped their arms around each other and fell asleep on each other’s sides. When they woke up Carry was back, and tried to talk to Lawrence. Adam noticed something was clearly wrong on his face. 

“Look, sir, uhm… it’s been two years, and now she believed she was a widow, so she moved away but she’s coming back and bringing Diana.” Lawrence was stunned.

“What?” Adam asked.

“He lied,” Lawrence said softly.

“What?”

“Kramer lied… Alison and Diana are alive,” he said softly. 

“They’re…” Carry walked away quietly. “They’re alive?” Adam asked. Lawrence nodded and started to cry. Adam wrapped an arm over him and almost kissed him, but realized that might be a bad idea. Adam didn’t know what to do. It was fairly obvious he would be back out, back alone. Lawrence would want to be with his wife.. With his daughter. That was fair. But Adam still felt awful. He still loved Lawrence, but of course, Lawrence still loved his family. 

 

Lawrence and Adam waited there for a few more hours, Adam sleeping on his side, but Lawrence being too shocked and excited to fall asleep. He waited for them until finally he saw them. Alison walked in first, Diana running after her.  There was a man with them.

“Oh my God, Lawrence!” Alison yelled. She ran to his side and hugged him, waking Adam. Next was Diana who crawled all over them both. 

“Dad! Dad! Oh my God, Dad!” she cried.

“Diana! Oh, Diana,” he started crying too, holding her tight. “My baby, my little girl.” The man stood awkwardly next to Alison. Lawrence looked up at him. He had never seen a more awkward looking man in his life, until he turned and looked at Adam, who was making a similar expression. 

“Lawrence… Can we talk,” asked Alison quietly. 

“Oh, okay,” he said, standing up. She looked like she would die when she noticed his prosthetic. 

“Bradley, stay with Diana,” she said softly to the man. They walked away from the group. 

“Who is Bradley?” asked Lawrence. She paused.

“That’s what I wanted to tell you about Lawrence… I thought you were dead.. It’s been two years… and I… He’s my husband.” 

“He’s… Already?” asked Lawrence, numbness and shock taking over. “How long was I gone for?” 

“Two years or so.”

“When did… How long have you been together? You just.. In under.. How quickly did you decide I was dead? How quickly did you just.. Get over that?” 

“Lawrence… I’m so sorry,” she said. He closed his eyes.

“No.. I’m not hurt I just.. I just wanna know.”

“Your case went cold three weeks after you went missing. I think.. It was about six months before you were declared dead. Then.. Six months later I met him. I didn’t exactly… I didn’t want to remarry, Lawrence, I just had to take care of Diana and Bradley could take care of us.”

“I understand,” he said softly. “About.. I’m not sure but two to three days after I was abducted the man who.. I don’t even.. I can’t even explain what he did.. I.. Kramer. Kramer told me that you and Diana were dead,” he said. She paused, but morbid curiosity overcame her. 

“How long did you mourn for us?” 

“You.. A year or so,” he said, clinically. As if he was talking about the weather. There was just no emotion left in him. “Diana.. Diana I’m still not recovered from losing. I just… I still can’t deal with it.” 

“Who is he?” she asked, looking to Adam.

“Adam. He was there with me when we were trapped- abducted with me.” 

“I… I don’t know what to… I am…”

“I don’t know what to do,” Lawrence said softly.

“You can come with us. Me and Diana. And Bradley,” she said. 

“I… I can’t leave Adam,” he said softly. 

“What happened with you and Adam?”

“We were trapped together in a room, and we couldn’t escape I didn’t know what.. I.. I had to kill him or you and Diana would die but I didn’t have a weapon, my foot was chained to a wall. When I heard you screaming I cut off my foot and crawled to him and shot him-”

“I thought you-”

“There was a gun but neither of us could reach it,” Lawrence interrupted. “But when I cut off my foot I got it and I shot him and I left him to go and get help and he was trapped in the room.. For weeks I think. With little or no food.. I promised him. I promised that I would come back to him. And I did. We kept each other alive. I can’t just leave him now,” he said softly. 

“Adam can come with us,” said Alison. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woop woop angsty time

Alison and Bradley had sold the Gordon’s old house. Lawrence looked cautiously around, and Adam stayed close to his side. Adam never would have known the difference between the Gordon’s house and this one, but Lawrence’s reaction made Adam uncomfortable. He clung to his side. They were set up on the couch. For as long as she could Diana stayed with them, sitting on Lawrence’s good leg and just hugging him. She was probably afraid she would lose him again. Lawrence seemed to have the same fear, hugging her to his chest. The more distressed Lawrence became the more Adam wanted to comfort him, but with his wife sitting right there he felt awkward. Then again apparently the other man there- Bradley- was Alison’s new husband. She had just replaced him. It made Adam hope that Lawrence would leave his ex wife for a new man like she had done to him. Eventually Diana had to go to bed.

“Daddy- you promise you’ll still be here when I get back?” Diana asked, fear in her eyes.

“Of course, darling, I’ll be right here,” he promised. “And if you see anything you tell me right away I’ll be right there, I promise.” Alison and Bradley left as well, leaving them alone in the living room. Adam wrapped an arm around Lawrence. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. Lawrence slumped over.

“I’m just… I don’t know what… I… Oh.. He’s replaced me in my own life.. I feel like I’m watching some actor live as me in my own house with my family and I… I don’t know what to do,” he said softly. 

“It’s alright,” Adam said. “I’m here for you.” 

“I just… My life is in shambles. I thought that.. I thought I had lost them… In a way I have,” Lawrence whispered. He closed his eyes. “Did you.. Have a family Adam?”

“No.. Not many friends either,” he said. “But…” He held Lawrence’s hand. “We have each other.” He hoped that Lawrence wouldn’t try to leave him for Alison. Lawrence turned to him, not moving his hand. He paused. Neither said anything for a long time and then leaned back down, cuddling on the couch. Lawrence finally spoke.

“I don’t know… I don’t know how long it will take for me to get over Alison.. Probably not long but I can’t be sure I… I’ll be by your side in whatever way you want me to regardless, Adam. I won’t leave you.” Adam rolled over, moved up, and kissed him.

“It’s alright, Lawrence,” Adam said. Lawrence kissed him back and Adam felt a desperation behind it he hadn’t in a long time. He could feel it. Lawrence needed him. 

 

Lawrence was on the couch, Adam sleeping on his chest, a blanket over them both. He slithered out gradually, and kissed Adam’s forehead. He walked out, to the kitchen, and was starting to cook for everyone. Then Alison came in. 

“Aw, are you making us breakfast?” she asked softly.

“Oh, yeah,” said Lawrence. 

“So… You’re with Adam?” she asked.

“Oh… I mean… I guess I am,” he said. “I don’t know how it happened but…”

“So you’re gay?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“That would make a lot of sense,” she said. 

“It would?” asked Lawrence. “How does that-”

“The way you were with me… But you had female lovers didn’t you? I… I mean-”

“I never did,” said Lawrence. “I… I tried but I could never… I never got with any of them. I couldn’t..”

“Couldn’t get it up?” she asked. Lawrence glared at her. “Nobody’s up but us.. Besides, what’s it matter?”

“You could just not say things like that,” Lawrence sighed. 

“Well you had the same issue with me a lot,” she said. “I thought-”

“Alison!” he snapped. 

“Look, Lawrence, you might just be gay,” she said. “It’s alright.. It would.. I just always felt like you were my best friend but never more.. It’s different with Bradley… It’s different with Adam for you too isn’t it?” There was an uncomfortable silence, before Lawrence decided he just didn’t care. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“See? It’s… It makes sense.” He hadn’t exactly thought about it, but he began to think that Alison was right. 

“I.. I love you Alison but…”

“As a friend?” Lawrence just nodded. “I love you as a friend too… And I don’t regret our relationship.”

“I could never regret what we had,” Lawrence said. “I love Diana so much and I’m so glad we had her.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” she said. They paused again. 

“I did a bit of uh.. Research,” he said. “Aren’t they supposed to wait seven years after a disappearance before they declare someone dead?” 

“It was because they figured out that the Jigsaw killer had you. For quite a long time it was seen as a recovery effort. I didn’t want the stress for Diana…”

“I understand,” he said.

“So legally I’m a widow, and then remarried.”

“And I’m your dead husband.”

“I believe if we want to remain unmarried we can, we’ll have to go to the courts to get this all sorted out,” she said. Lawrence nodded. He was so relieved he wished they had divorced years ago. 

 

“So.. You’re my wife’s dead husband’s boyfriend?” Bradley asked, sitting next to Adam. They had overheard the world’s most awkward conversation in the kitchen and decided to stay there. 

“I mean… I guess?”

“That’s cool,” he said. “I just… I’m honestly really glad he’s got you,” Bradley said with a laugh.

“Huh?”

“Because.. Well you know… If he still loved Alison everything would be really awkward.” 

“Yeah,” Adam agreed. 

“I think they’re gonna get some kind of divorce. I don’t know what the laws are like on that.” 

“I don’t either.” Diana came down from her bed room. Diana walked up and sat between them.

“So… Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce?” Adam gritted his teeth. He definitely wouldn’t be the one to tell her anything about that. How had she even heard about it? He hoped she hadn’t heard any of the rest of that talk. 

“Well… Look, sweetheart, your Dad and Mom love you very very much,” began Bradley. “But they just didn’t work out so well together. They’re happier when they aren’t together. They’re still good friends.”

“Just Mommy is with you and Daddy is with Adam,” she said. Diana was scary smart, and Adam had no idea what to say. Bradley and Diana had both decided they were together, but he wasn’t certain that Lawrence had even decided that. 

“Yeah,” Bradley said. “Is that-”

“Okay,” Diana said going to get some cereal. 

“Kids,” said Adam, somewhat shocked.

“Yeah,” said Bradley. “They’re resilient.” 

 

It didn’t take Lawrence long to find a job again as a doctor, and the moment that he did he and Adam were back out on their own. They were in a small apartment, though Lawrence said they could move up soon. Adam was shocked to have such a nice apartment. They had both lost pretty much everything they had, but Lawrence was building them back up again. Adam couldn’t get a job yet, so he had determined it was his job to keep the house clean and cook. He was not the best cook, but Lawrence appreciated it. When he got home he walked in to the living room and sat down, getting off his foot and taking off his prosthetic. Adam came to his side and sat next to him. He kissed Lawrence’s cheek. 

“How was work?”

“It was alright,” Lawrence said. “How was your day?”

“Eh, good,” said Adam. “I fixed that thing with the fridge.”

“With or without duct tape?” 

“Without this time,” said Adam.

“For now,” Lawrence joked. He wrapped an arm around him. They sat there for a moment just staring into each other’s eyes. “I love you, Adam.” Adam lunged onto his lap and started to kiss him, clinging to Lawrence with all his strength. Lawrence kissed back, holding Adam where he sat, making sure he didn’t fall off the couch. 

“I love you too.” They continued to kiss until they heard a loud crash in the hall, causing both to jolt in fear. Adam and Lawrence held onto each other, silently trying to listen for any sign of danger but their heartbeats drowned out the sounds from the hall. 

“Kramer,” was the only word that fell from Lawrence’s mouth. It barely a whisper. They heard another soft noise and it took the breath from both of them. 

“I don’t wanna die,” Adam said through gritted teeth. They didn’t move from that place the rest of the night, and neither of them slept. When morning came they were still there, barely conscious. Both of Lawrence’s legs were numb, and Adam was almost asleep. Lawrence moved quietly. “Are you alright?”

“I have to go to work,” he said, rubbing his face. 

“Give it a minute I’ll make you some coffee.” Adam went to the kitchen, and expected something awful, but nothing happened. There was nothing out of place in the kitchen. He went to the coffee maker and put on a pot of coffee. He went back to Lawrence, who was trying to put his leg back on. 

“I’ve gotta take a shower and I should change clothes,” he said softly. Adam helped him up and to the shower and got him a clean set of clothes. 

When the coffee was done he went and poured them both a cup. When Lawrence came to the kitchen he looked like hell, as a man who hadn’t slept all the night before would. They drank the coffee together and then Lawrence headed out. Adam went to their bed and slept for the rest of the day. When he woke it was around four, which meant Lawrence would be home again soon. He went to the living room and sat down, nearly falling asleep again. 

“Hello, Adam,” said a sickenly familiar voice. 

“Oh fuck,” he said softly, nearly crying just from the sound of Kramer’s voice. 

“Lawrence will be home soon, right?” asked John. Adam considered attempting to kill him right there, to run to the kitchen, throw the pot of coffee on him and beat him to death with a frying pan right there. He knew he was strong enough. He had killed Zepp. He could do it. He had to. He started to stand up and was greeted with a blade to his neck. “No, Adam. Just answer my question.” Kramer guided him back to the couch with the blade.

“Ah-”

“I’ve been watching you. It is imperative you don’t lie to me.” 

“Why do you ask when you already know?” Adam whimpered. 

“I want to talk to you two. Just talk,” Kramer said. Adam hadn’t realized how long it had been. Lawrence would be there soon. Too soon.

“Yes,” Adam admitted, knowing Kramer was aware if he had really been stalking them. “But… Isn’t voyeurism a bad thing?”

“You’re one to talk.”

“I’ve.. Changed,” Adam said.

“Yes.. Good,” Kramer said. “This is why I wanted to talk to you two.”

“Wh-”

“To see how you’ve changed. What improvements you’ve made to your lives. How I helped you help yourselves. Then after we talk you’ll never see or hear from me or any of my proteges again. We’ll leave you alone.” Adam heard the keys starting to turn in the door. He gritted his teeth and turn away, he couldn’t watch. He couldn’t watch Lawrence just walk in to this, the whole thing beginning again. There was a pause.

“Adam?” called Lawrence. “Adam are you alright?” Adam opened his mouth but John pressed the knife closer to his throat.

“You’re fine,” John whispered to him. Adam bit down on his lip. He could face Kramer killing him to save Lawrence, or he could let Lawrence in and hope that Kramer really just wanted to talk.

“Adam?”

“I… Larry he’s here run!” yelled Adam. Kramer stuck the end of the blade into Adam’s throat and instead of running away like any logical person Lawrence tried to unlock it before dropping the keys, then busted through the door. He ran in and fell, his prosthetic giving way. 

“No! Don’t hurt him!” Lawrence yelled. 

“Quiet,” John said. “I’ve pierced his throat but not retracted the blade. It will hold everything together for now. Once I pull it away Adam will start to lose blood and die, quickly. If you are good, and you stay quiet and answer my questions, I will give you this phone before I remove the blade and leave,” Kramer said. “So you can call an ambulance. You live close to the hospital to avoid a long commute with that leg. The ambulance will arrive and Adam will survive this. If you do not cooperate, I will yank it from his throat and throw the phone. Without your leg you will be too slow to drag yourself to it in time for Adam to survive this. Regardless, this will be the last time either of you hear or see from me, or any of my proteges.” 

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” Lawrence said. “Just please don’t,” he reached out towards Adam. Adam watched, unable to speak and barely able to breath. He held out his hand to Lawrence, trying to tell him it would be alright. 

“Doctor.. What do you feel you learned from your test?” he asked. 

“I… I learned how much my daughter means to me.. And that.. I don’t..”   
“Answer.”

“That my marriage would fall apart regardless, because I got to the point I was only worried about Diana. That I would- that I could kill someone. And I’ve learned how to live with only one foot..” 

“Do you feel it has… benefited or detrimented your life? It’s alright to be honest. I will not harm Adam any for your honesty, even if you tell me you wish I was dead. I don’t care. I need honesty.”

“I… I hate you but.. I am.. I’m glad that my daughter is alive, and I appreciate her more than I ever have and I’m glad I have Adam now but.. I lost my fucking foot! And my job and my life! I.. I hate what you took from me but I’m glad I have what I do now..” Adam wanted to cry, and Lawrence looked like he did too, still reaching for Adam. 

“Alright,” he said. “That’s all I need.” Adam watched as John dialed 911 into the phone and slid it to Lawrence. He then cut a piece of his sleeve off with his other sleeve braid. He pressed it to Adam’s throat as he slid the blade out. “Put pressure on it there.” Adam did as he was told. John left. In a panicked, cracking voice Lawrence called 911 and started to weep. 

“Please- hurry. He’s bleeding out… Wound to the neck.” Lawrence rattled off the address and everything else he could think of, a few tears streaming down his face. Adam pressed his throat and stumbled to Lawrence’s side. If he was going to die, he would at least kiss Lawrence one last time. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Lawrence never left the hospital the whole time that Adam was in it, and despite not always being able to be next to Adam he made sure Adam always knew he was there. Diana came to visit her father there once or twice, and even liked to talk to Adam. His voice was hoarse, and the scar would never fade, but Adam would be alright. Lawrence felt strangely thankful to Kramer for that. He had done it, but assured Adam’s survival. He felt the need to cuddle Adam constantly when they got home. There was almost never a moment they were apart. Diana had started to like Adam too. 

She visited on weekends and holidays and Adam and Lawrence would help her with her homework and such. 

“I have so many dads,” she said, one day.

“Huh?” Lawrence asked. 

“Well I have you, Dad dad,” she said, pointing to Lawrence. “And Bradley dad and now Adam dad. That’s a lot of dads.” 

When she went to bed Adam and Lawrence sat down on the couch and cuddled, watching the news. Adam grinned to himself. 

“Adam dad,” he said softly. Lawrence turned to him and smiled. 

“I know,” he said. They held hands. “I’m so glad she likes you.”

“I am too… God.. Adam dad… I… never thought I would be a dad.. Anybody’s dad. I still feel like a kid myself sometimes… Adam dad.” Lawrence held his hand. Adam leaned against him and gradually fell asleep. 

 

Lawrence watched him as he slept. He heard Diana over and over again. ‘Adam dad’. He leaned against him. He smiled and rubbed Adam’s forehead gently. He kissed Adam’s forehead and cuddled him closer. Adam woke a little and snuggled closer to Lawrence. Lawrence rubbed his shoulders and stayed close to him. He wanted to stay close to Adam. Forever. He just wanted to wake up with Adam everyday for the rest of his life, no matter how long or short that span of time might be. He held the man closer and kissed his neck, over his scar. Adam stirred slightly. 

“Wh.. You’re awfully cuddly tonight,” said Adam softly. 

“You’re just so nice to cuddle,” Lawrence said. Adam kissed his chin. Adam was content to just lay there all night, and Lawrence knew that. He put his leg back on and scooped Adam up, attempting to carry him to bed. It went badly. 

“Law _ rence _ !” Adam snapped. He stood up and helped Lawrence get to bed. Lawrence was a little embarrassed. 

“I could have carried you.”

“Maybe with two feet.” Lawrence glared at him. “Maybe.” 

“Keep doing that and I’ll try picking you up again.” 

“You had better not,” Adam scolded. He made a vague attempt to lift Adam just to aggravate him. Adam laughed a bit and then pulled him along to their bedroom. They settled on the bed, cuddling and kissing each other. It took a long time for them to settle down and actually sleep, but eventually the heavy weight of tiredness took them both down. They got in their pajamas and crawled into bed. Adam continued to kiss and hold Lawrence, who had to eventually squeeze him to his chest to stop his writhing. He put his footless leg over Adam, pulling him closer with it. Adam pressed to his chest, nestling his head under Lawrence’s chin. “Goodnight, Larry.”

“Goodnight Adam.” It took quite a lot more time and many more gentle gropes from Adam before they actually managed to get to sleep, but Lawrence didn’t mind. When Lawrence woke up he heard the gentle heartbeat of Adam. For a second he thought that he saw a glimpse of someone coming to kill them, and clutched Adam to his chest. It was a coat. He calmed down and snuggled Adam closer. He kissed Adam’s nose, managing to not wake him up. He smiled softly at the sleeping man, watching him sleep for a few more minutes before drifting off himself. 

 

He knew that Lawrence was up to something. Lawrence had made him dinner and been ridiculously mushy and sweet and pampering him beyond belief. Adam appreciated it, but he grew more curious with each day that Lawrence became more smushy. They were eating dinner, and he looked up at Lawrence. 

“You’ve been.. Awfully loving and sweet lately,” said Adam.

“Huh? Oh I.. Yeah I have,” Lawrence laughed a little.

“So.. What’s going on with that?” Adam asked. 

“I’ve.. been trying to… to build up to something,” Lawrence said. “Recently. I was going to ask you… I was hoping you wouldn’t notice or say something I just ah… Well. Adam…” There was a long pause.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I… Adam… Adam Faulkner-Stanheight, would you…” Lawrence took and deep breath and pulled something from his pocket. “Will you marry me?” He asked, presenting Adam with a ring. Adam looked at the ring for a second, and paused. He blinked a few times. 

“I… Oh wow,” Adam said, feeling his heart slamming against his rib cage. It took his brain a few seconds to really let it sink in. Lawrence had proposed to him. Lawrence Gordon. His Lawrence. “Holy shit, yes!” he exclaimed, his brain finally catching up with reality. “Yes! Yes!” He lunged across the table and kissed him a few times, and holding on to Lawrence. He was almost in tears. 

 

Adam laid next to his boyfriend- well now  _ fiancé-  _ and just sort of thought. How had he gotten there? He had been paid to watch him, the first time he met him. He remembered it oddly vividly. He had been hired by the man who ended up being a cop. He had followed him out for his morning coffee, spotting the doctor walking through the street. He watched him order his drink, and as he walked out and put on his sunglasses. He took a picture of Lawrence and took it home. Now he was laying next to him thinking about their wedding. Life was crazy. 

 

Diana was excited. Adam was so happy that she was excited. Lawrence cared very deeply about Diana, which meant Adam was going to start being a part of Diana’s life since he was part of Lawrence’s. He had been around her before, but it was kind of different. He supposed that to her he was already Adam dad, but he had never known how to really act as Adam dad. Should he change something? Should he try to be a better Adam dad? He didn’t know what to do. 

“Don’t try to change,” Lawrence said. “Diana loves you. I love you.” 

“Well… I mean I just wanna be a good dad,” Adam said. 

“You’ll do fine Adam.” 

 

Adam hadn’t thought about it for a long time, but as he considered calling his cousins to tell them that he was getting married. He had no idea what it was that reminded him of it, but he was suddenly reminded of Zepp. He had a cousin who kind of looked like him. Not really, but enough for it to remind him of Zepp, to remind him of the time he killed another human being with a toilet lid. For a moment he felt like he could never be a proper father figure- a good Adam dad- because he had literally  _ killed  _ a man. Then he recalled that Lawrence had killed people too. Well, he had helped, but it had to weigh on him too. If they were going to be married they needed to be open with each other. Adam decided he finally had to ask Lawrence about it, but he decided to wait until the day before he had a day off so that at least he could have a day after the rougher conversation he could relax. 

“Lawrence,” he said, softly. Lawrence looked instantly concerned, which was fair. “We need to talk.” His eyes grew wider. 

“What’s wrong, Adam?” he asked. 

“Look, I just.. I’ve been thinking… I just.. After I.. I just.. I have to ask you about.. I killed Zepp, and I can’t stop thinking about it and I just.. How do you deal with it? What were your forced to do by John?” There was a tense pause. Lawrence went to the kitchen, made them both drinks, and then migrated to the couch. 

“Alright Adam,” he said softly. “You’ll probably need this. I do,” he said, handing him a drink. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I am not dead, and will be trying to post multiple chapters tonight if I don't post them all tonight. Prepare for death via fluff.

Lawrence was barely conscious, and his head hurt terribly. He glared down on the prosthetic leg, which was still forcibly attached to him. He gritted his teeth and sat up, food left there for him. He sat up and sighed, eating and drinking what had been given to him. After that, he waited for a while until Kramer came to him. He figured he would eventually. 

“Dr. Gordon, I need your assistance with something.”

“Why should I help you?” 

“I saved you, and I gave you a new leg,” Kramer said. “Are you not grateful?” He recalled the last time John had talked about gratitude. He had whined on the tapes and talked about it frequently whenever he came to complain further to him. He was supposed to be grateful for life and for the game, for all of it. He wasn’t grateful for any of it. But if Kramer knew he was ungrateful he might kill him. Or worse, kill Adam. He kept his contempt for Kramer inside. 

“I  _ am  _ grateful I just uh..”

“You’re not really grateful.” 

“I’ll do it,” relented Lawrence, unsure of what it even was. 

“Alright,” said Kramer. “I need you to surgically insert a key behind a man’s eye.” Lawrence paused for a moment but he knew that hesitation could be seen as ungratefulness. 

“Wh.. How much time do I uh...I when… What do?”

“I’ll explain the specifics later,” John said. 

 

He looked down on the operating table, scalpel in hand, gritting his teeth. He looked down at his patient. It was a man named Michael. He couldn’t remember his last name but his name was Michael. He looked at Michael’s face, remembering the details perfectly, though he had not purposefully studied them. There was just a ghost of it. Likely because it was the first man he had ever killed. Well, John would say that he was the first man he helped. Lawrence, however, wasn’t insane. He knew it was murder. He knew he had killed that man.

At the time he just knew he was going to. He took the key in his other hand. He took a deep breath, and found it wasn’t enough. He did it a few more times until he could finally press the scalpel into the man’s face, gradually cutting him open. The action felt the same as surgery but his conscious mind refused to let him ignore what he was doing. He knew what was coming for  Michael. What would happen to him. He dropped the key for a second, picked it back up and put it on the counter. 

He sighed and flipped up the hood of the robe. It smelled like crusted blood. He turned on the camera as John had told him too. He filmed it as he implanted the key itself before turning and limping to the camera, turning it off again. He sowed the key into his eye. He then whipped the blood off with an antiseptic cloth. There was no logic to it, regardless Michael would probably die. He could bleed out if he managed to get the key out, but he refused to tell John. He could do what he wanted.  He sometimes looked back on that choice and wondered if a sadistic part of him wanted to force John to break his rule of potentially survivable games. He had, technically. He broke that rule. John had ruined his own moral code in that moment. 

 

The next stage were weeks of John stalking people, showing Lawrence countless pictures of them and making him guess how long each would last under poisoning or needles through the skin or serrated blades. It was so absurd it was almost funny, until he saw the pictures of countless real people trying to live their real lives. It pissed him off a bit to think of how hypocritical John was when it came to Adam.  _ What does a voyeur see when he looks in the mirror?   _ John could have just asked himself, the bastard. Lawrence looked over all the potential prisoners. The people he was dooming to their fate. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to breath slower. He had to calm down. He couldn’t let John know what was wrong. After it finally happened he learned which of them lived and which died, in graphic detail as to why. John was pleased with it though, as no trap had been inescapable, it had all been their own stupidity. He still wished he could have saved them. Or at least not helped John kill them. 

 

“That’s all you did?” asked Adam. Lawrence looked shocked. “I killed Zepp with my own hands!” Adam exclaimed. 

“John had me watch all the tapes over and over with him, those of his old killings too- I just live and know that all those deaths are on me- that he couldn’t have done them without me.”

“I literally killed Zepp,” Adam said. “And you just… You almost ignore it- you saw me do it.”

“Adam I almost killed you,” Lawrence said. “And you saved my life by killing Zepp- Adam you saved my life and I almost took yours- I tried to  _ kill  _ you.” There was a pause as Lawrence’s words soaked in. Adam had never noticed how much Lawrence looked at that scar, how often he touched it, until then. He had always done it but Adam thought it was cute or affectionate, the way it was when Adam rubbed Lawrence’s leg when he got phantom pains in the foot he didn’t have anymore- not guilty. 

“Do you still feel guilty about that?”

“Of course I do Adam, I both love you more than anyone and tried to kill you once.”

“You did it to protect your family, Lawrence,” Adam said. “You cut off your goddamn foot to save them-”

“I know why I did it, Adam, but I just..” Lawrence took his hands. “I still just… don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been through enough and I’ve already been part of the problem… You’ve saved my life in more ways that one.” 

“You saved me too,” Adam said. “You’ve helped me through so much.. I can’t see how you can’t see that. Even moments after you shot me I begged you not to go because I didn’t want you to leave- I never hated you I just.. I understood why you did what you did but I wanted to.. To live. I just wanted to live.”  Lawrence just held Adam close for a while, and Adam considered arguing or mentioning more reasons he shouldn’t feel guilty and assure him he loved him and that he understood why Lawrence did what he did, but Adam’s thoughts mixed together and he couldn’t make a sentence to explain it. He instead just laid there and held Lawrence, trying to help him to know in a way words couldn’t express. Lawrence would probably always feel guilty, but Adam was going to make sure he would always feel loved too. 

  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking with me and this fic, I hope you enjoy the happy ending Adam and Lawrence deserved

Adam was not patient, and Lawrence knew that, but he hadn’t expected Adam to be quiet as impatient as he was. Adam was excited, and Lawrence was too, but Adam was hoping to go to Vegas and get married immediately. Lawrence’s first wedding had been very traditional, but was really more so what Allison wanted than he did. Around the time that had really settled in, Lawrence realized he wasn’t really sure what he would want to do for a wedding. He wasn’t entirely sure he cared either way. He just wanted the domestic life again, but in a real way. With Allison it was what he was supposed to do, and he behaved as he was supposed to. With Adam, it would be different. With Adam it would be what he wanted to do and he would act the way he wanted to. He would wake up next to Adam every day for the rest of his life, hold his hand, make breakfast with him, go to Diana’s ballet recitals with him, watch television with him, to go to Diana’s graduation with him. It would be wonderful. Everything he ever wanted. So he supposed the wedding didn’t really matter to him. 

Adam walked in to the room, bringing in a plate of cookies. 

“Alright so these really suck but I made them for you with love so you have to pretend to eat one-” Adam said handing him a cookie. Lawrence took the malformed cookie and looked up at Adam from where he sat. 

“So, were in Vegas did you want to get married in?” Lawrence asked. Adam sprung up, nearly dropping his cookies and then putting them haphazardly on the back of a chair before running to get his phone and then proceeding to show Lawrence every single thing he had always wanted to see in Vegas before actually getting back around to where he wanted the wedding to be, but somehow Lawrence wasn’t bothered by listening to him talk on and on. He supposed love did that. 

 

Adam never let go of Lawrence’s hand the whole flight to Vegas. Adam laid on Lawrence’s shoulder, and after slight turbulence as the plane took flight he fell asleep there. There was some bouncing on the plane, and he kept waking up and going back to sleep. He woke up and went back to sleep a few times before being suddenly jolted awake. The lights flickered and buzzed, and for a brief moment he could smell the rancid smell of Zepp’s rotting corpse and feel the floor against his tired arms. Then he felt Lawrence’s hand on his shoulder as he wrapped around him gently. He curled close to Lawrence and rested his head on his chest and breathing in his smell, and the phantom scent disappeared. Adam relaxed there, and Lawrence kissed his forehead. He gradually fell asleep again, Lawrence half laying over him like a blanket. 

 

They checked in to the hotel. Adam had never seen a hotel that big in his whole life. Hell, he had never seen a building that big in his life. He stuck close to Lawrence, who held his hand as Adam looked around in awe. It was the Luxor, a magnificent Egyptian themed casino. It was a pyramid and it spiraled up, the rooms looking out over the casino floor. It was everywhere and everything and Adam couldn’t focus on any one thing as he looked around. He was lucky that Lawrence pulled him along so he could gaze up and down at the hotel. He snuggled close to Lawrence and let Lawrence pull him to their hotel room. It was late, and Lawrence was tired, but Adam was too excited to be tired. He always wanted to try gambling but never had a lot of money. He liked to play cards when he was younger, but he was never that good at it. He hadn’t wanted to go to Vegas for gambling; he wanted to be there so he could get married to Lawrence as soon as possible. They got to the elevator and headed up. Adam couldn’t believe how many floors were in that building. They were on the twelfth floor. They got through the maze of rooms to their room. It was gigantic, and the bed was big enough for four people. Adam set down their suitcase and Lawrence hobbled to the bed, relying on his cane. Adam felt bad for Lawrence, his leg got stiff from just sitting in the car too long, and the plane ride had not been kind to him. Adam looked around the room a bit before going to Lawrence’s side and helping him take off his prosthetic leg, though Lawrence insisted he could do it himself, and kissing his cheek. Adam grabbed both of their pajamas out of the suitcase and tossed Lawrence’s to him. Adam looked around the room for a while, finding the massive bathroom. It was a clean bathroom, and it wasn’t even mostly white, but the fluorescent lights flickering and buzzing bothered him a little. Adam turned the lights off in the bathroom and turned the hall lights on instead. It was better. 

 

Lawrence laid in bed, and Adam joined him eventually. Adam laid next to him, snuggling close to his side. Adam was always kind of cuddly. He kissed Adam’s forehead and wrapped his arms around him. 

“I can’t believe this…” Adam said softly, suddenly realizing he was much more tired than he had thought he was. Lawrence almost laughed, but he was falling asleep too. 

“What?”

“I’m gonna be married,” Adam said. “It’s so strange… We’re gonna be married.” Lawrence kissed Adam and cuddled him closer. 

“I love you, Adam,” Lawrence said.

“I love you too.” They stayed close there and Lawrence flipped off the reading light. Adam gradually fell asleep on his chest. He refused to move so long as Adam was on him, watching as he slept there. Adam was so warm, and he made Lawrence sleepy just by being there. Lawrence wanted sleep, but another part of his brain made him want to stay awake and watch Adam and be near him. His leg also hurt a bit, but it was going to. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. 

 

It was the biggest day of his life. Adam couldn’t hear anything, though there was noise in the room. They were both dressed in suits, waiting for their turn. The wedding venue was known for quick weddings, which was why Adam wanted to go there, to get married to Lawrence as quickly as possible and start their new lives together as soon as he could. He held Lawrence’s hand. There were other couples there, but they were next. No one looked at them oddly, it was Vegas after all. Adam leaned on Lawrence’s shoulder and closed his eyes. It was alright. Everything felt alright. He was alright. It was going to be alright. Lawrence kissed his head and Adam slipped up and kissed his neck. 

“Uhm, Mr. Gordon and Mr. Stanheight?” 

 

Lawrence looked to Adam, holding his hands. He was with Adam, in a bright white room, with fluorescent bar lights, again. And his life was about to change immeasurably, again. But this time, it really was for the better. This time Lawrence really was grateful to be there. He held Adam’s hands tightly. 

“..To love and to hold, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Adam said, kissing Lawrence.

“Hold on there,” the minister said to Adam. 

“Do you, Lawrence Gordon, take Adam Stanheight-Faulkner as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to hold, until death do you part?”

“I do.” 

“I pronounce you man and husband, you may kiss-” Adam once again didn’t let the minister finish his sentence before kissing Lawrence, but this time Lawrence kissed him back and held him close. “Congratulations Mr. and Mr. Gordon-Stanheight-Faulkner. Good luck signing things with that last name,” the minister finished, patting them both on the back. They headed towards the light to the outside of the room, and this time Lawrence held tight to Adam’s hand. Lawrence had made a lot of mistakes in his life, but one of the best decisions he had ever made was coming back for Adam. 

 


End file.
